Daily life

 Hello blog,

It has been so long since my last entry. I actually miss reading my old posts. 😂

so here are some random photos to start:

my new ita bag

level up my Zayne affinity from Love and Deepspace

Some game photos i commissioned from Shin and had them printed out.

Made pasembur for my family

Wedding banner from love deepspace in June 2025

my derpy cat named Natsu

Ok that is all for update coz its literally 1.38am now. i should be sleeping. 😂

xoxo

Unclenched hearts

He paused as he walked away. Clenching his fist he bit into his lips in frustration. Is there nothing he could do for her? He turned to look back but she was no longer there. A small sigh escapes as he loosens his fist and reached out to the bandage she put on. Perhaps a young boy like him could never do anything for her. How long will it take to reach out his hands to her? He shook his head and slapped his cheeks. If there is one thing he could do is to try. Hers was the first hands to reach out to him in kindness and though it may have been brief, the few moments with her was all it took to warm his cold heart and give strength to his resolve.

.....

I am still bad at this 😂

Time & How much I miss writing

Bismillah,

Recently I keep having this itch to start writing. Yesterday I had an idea to write up a story about how much my staff hate the work environment in office to the point they even came up with a list! I kind of have a tiny bit of pity for the new boss who everyone is backbiting...
So with this itch for writing I started to go through my old blog posts. My old blog had 200 posts in a year! That's 'almost' 1 post a day.

I still do a little bit of writing now and then although MUCH MUCH less than before. Sometimes I get ideas in the middle of walking or driving. You can imagine my pain when I can't write down the words in those moments.

Here's a lil something I managed to quickly jot down during those moments:

Where is my blossoming wild flower,
Are you overwhelmed by the ruggedness of the wilderness,
Were you cut off by the city gardeners,
Did longing hands take you away,
Will I never see you for one more day?

- inspired by the wild purple flowers I use to see during my morning drive to work. I sometimes itch to just stop by the roadside to dig the plant out and bring them home. But of course I never did.

Another one:

A writer, writes for words to be read,
A singer, sings for voice to be heard,
I count the days, months, profit, loss and wonder,
If writer writes and singers sing, then must I continue to count?

- random ramblings that don't rhyme whatsoever.

I miss my best friend writing as well but yeah.... she didn't update anything for AGES! I must move on and accept this. hahaha

~Alhamdulillah

ps. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. - Anon

Anticipation

She trailed her fingers at the edge of his desk while humming. It was not a song she was humming, she did not seem the kind. It was a low hum, one without melody or purpose. From behind she looked like she was caressing the table of a loved one. Nothing can be further from the truth. She smirked a little as she took her place on his seat. Still humming that note with no melody. Her eyes gleaming in the dark like that of a wolf in the dark woods.
She puts her hand slowly into his drawer and pulled out a single note.
'He already anticipated this i see,' she thought to herself as she let's out a low chuckle.

The note, written in that loathsome boy's handwriting, was scrunched up and thrown in the garbage nearby. She closed the lid slowly as to not make a sound. 'Well, it's no fun beating him if he makes it easy.'

She moves to pick up her bag and as she walks to the classroom entrance, she hums the tune with no purpose.

Between two people

Bismillah... So here I go again...

The green eyed lady

The pond was an area no one liked to wander about. It's covered with moss, nothing lives in it. Even sunlight doesn't wander in this premise, only shadows of the main court. The area was once beautifully covered with draping flowers; morning glories. Even when no sun shone in this area, flowers use to bloom everywhere. Now just an empty lot, with a dead pond and an ancient old tree. This was where a small boy of 7 decided to run to after receiving a beating from his tutor. Kicking a loose pebble he mumbled to himself, "Sir was being unfair. I did not steal the lords' badge. Yet I'm the one punished for it!" He sat by the pond trying to vent his anger out on still waters. He took a stick and began beating the water. Unbeknownst to him a figure was approaching him. A warm hand touched his bare shoulders causing him to scream and fall straight into the pond.
Spluttering about the young lad cursed with all his heart and pulled himself out demanding to know who had pushed him in only to find a young lady laughing her heart out at him. Despite the dark surroundings or perhaps because of it, the young woman before him seemed to glow. Her luminescent skin and warm green eyes made him think she was perhaps a spirit living by the pond.
He watched her laugh and once she stopped they just continued to stare at each other. After a short moment of silence she cleared her throat and spoke, "No one comes here anymore and the first person who comes after so long starts cursing and made so much noise." She looked at him and made the little boy squirm under her gaze before taking pity on the boy. "I see Sir Rapier did a number on your leg." She took out a handkerchief and gently wiped some blood of the boys leg. "He did not! I'm perfectly fine. I'm just mad cause it's unfair!" he yelled back in frustration. To his surprise she just smiled at him and continued to wipe his wounds. After a long moment she finally stopped her ministrations and said, "There you go. You don't look so bad now. Scars like a warrior."
The boy seemed pleased with her words and smiled shyly in return. "Do you believe me? I really didn't steal the badge," he said as he pouted and kicked another loose pebble. She continued looking at him for a little while before saying, "Life is unfair. My little girl faces the same problems and I fear part of it is because of me. You should be stronger for it. Even though its unfair." He watched the light leave her face as she said it. Almost as if the surrounding around her was shifting with her words. He looked at his scarred legs that suffered through his previous ordeal with Sir Rapier and looked to the sky saying, "I will be stronger and then I will protect you and your daughter from the unfair world." He blushed embarrassed at his admission but when he turned to look at the young lady she was glowing again with a single tear un-shed in her beautiful green eyes. The boy was about to apologize for making her cry but when someone was approaching the young lady told him to hide. He quickly got on his feet and climbed the ancient tree. 'Why must I hide?' the boy thought to himself as he heard footsteps getting closer. He held his breath, waited and prayed it was not Sir Rapier. ~

**I wonder if I've improved in my writing. Or perhaps I've gotten worse?

Eye candy

Bismillah

I know it's Ramadhan and I should be posting something regarding Ramadhan but somehow I feel that this Ramadhan is a private matter and I'll keep them in my physical journal. ;)

As for now.... Some eye candy! I was really moody in the morning due to my work, house matters, impending acca results and my brothers assignment.

But this made me smile like a love stricken idiot all day.

Presenting Lord Bidam of Silla. Currently I'm watching Queen Seon Dok drama. It's cool but i read reviews that it'll be a bit boring and somber towards the end. Bohoo. That said I really love Korean historical dramas! Love em! Love em! Love em! The plot is just....wow.

Alhamdulillah.

Anime and my mood

Bismillah

I know anime is not all roses and flowers and that there are some bad points about them but i guess in my life a lot of times when I'm in a bad mood or just being plain lazy, watching anime or reading a good manga tends to lead me to self-reflection as well as uplifting my mood.

Just randomly saying how good it is that whenever I'm in a bad mood anime/manga fixes me right back. ;)

Watched 'My Way' a korean war movie last night. It was awesome and I cried. This often happens when I watch war movies.
Today I watched Eureka Seven Ao final episode. Suffice to say the voice actor of older Renton is awesome. Love his voice. Shocking to find out he also voice acted Hiroshi (shin chan's dad!).
I also watched Fullmetal Alchemist: Sacred star of Milos. It's good to watch new movies/episodes from an old anime. Well technically it's not THAT old but i did watch it during my highschool years. Feels pretty old to me.

Alhamdulillah

Simple wants of an otaku

Bismillah

Office doing a exchange gift activity. Someone asked me, "what you want?" and that question has been bothering me ever since. +__+
Stuff I really want but can't ask for:
1. a potted plant for my study table
2. usopp figurine
3. artist wood mannequin
4. easel
5. The anime movie "children who chase after lost voices"

Semua pun takleh minta sbb over budget. ceh.

Alhamdulillah

The Great Expectation

Bismillah

I can understand the love of a friend, when you are not there they do not question and when you are they are just happy to see you. 

*sigh. Can't deal with people's expectations from me and probably that's why i get so anti-social. 

I'm not saying that I don't have any expectations from people but at least mine ain't that many.
From my friends there are only 3 things I ask from them:
1. To respond to my words.
2. To respond honestly.
3. To forgive my stupidity.

Can't you ask the same from me? Must you burden me so?

Alhamdulillah

p.s missing my huckleberry friend and moon bathing.

Rain.... And then some rainbow and sunshine

Bismillah

As Malaysians we face rain almost half the year. As Muslims we see rain as a blessing. My house was flooded again and this time the rain actually made it over my house barricade and made it into the house. That is why when i came back from work, instead of lounging on the couch as usual (while eating rambutans), I had to mop the house and help clean up whatever mess the flood brought in. The next morning I had to remove some mud from the front porch. All in all, it was a typical day after a flood.
Despite my complaining, I didn't mind the extra work that much. Other than the fact that I was sweating before I even got to my office and I had some dirt on my office clothes. Not a really good way to start the day but I didn't really mind it all that much. I kind of have this weird enjoyment of cleaning the house with my entire family after a flood.
It's been a few days after the flood and my mum has already approached the authorities (once again) regarding our horribly congested sewers.

Actually, everyday after the flood seems like a beautiful day. The beautiful sky right after a rainy week is so clear and the clouds are beautiful. I could actually see Mt.K's head all the way from KK. Plus the sunsets are to die for at this time since the clouds are thinner after a rainy week.

The highlight of the week would be the double rainbow and contrasting sky I managed to catch a glimpse of yesterday.

There are more than just rainbows after the rain. So much more.

A collection of random photos from my phone.

About hating yourself

Bismillah

Sometimes.... I make tons of excuses for myself.
Like if I did something embarrassing. I'd tell myself, " it's ok and that it's an accident".
Or if I finished my work late. I'd tell myself, " it's ok, you did a lot already".
Or if I raised my voice against my mum. I'd tell myself, "It's ok, you didn't mean to".
I'd always tell myself tomorrow I'd be a better person, but tomorrow came and left and I still hate a part of me.

I should stop lying to myself. I'm becoming worse everyday.
It's seriously time to look into the problem and stop giving excuses.
I know I can be better than this. I want to be a person who REALLY love myself. Not because people tell me "You need to love yourself" but because I can truly and proudly say "I've done my best and I'm proud of who I am."

Everyone have dark secrets and bad things that they'd hide from others. It's like a disease that slowly eats you up.

Oh Lord please help me. I suck at self-discipline. I need You. I need You. I need You.

Alhamdulillah

Baby steps

Bismillah

If I could remember what it felt like when I was 1 years old, I'd be pretty amazed with myself. Babies are brave, daring, and probably a bit noisy. I wonder how babies feel when they take their first step.
Glad?
Excited?
Scared?
Nervous?

I'm in a phase of life where I must force my selfish lazy self away and bring in a new mature adult. There's so many things going on in my life, yet here I am still unsure of how to move. So much shocking news this year. So many new experiences. Not sure whether it's a good thing or bad but I know if I did not have the strength Allah S.W.T. has given me through my awesome family, I'd probably be too worn out right now.

Baby steps are very difficult. You're afraid to fail, afraid to be rejected, afraid that you'll not get back up again. So many fears. Thank God I'm a simple person. If it has to be done, then there is no point prolonging the inevitable. I pressed that button. Time that has once stopped will begin to move again. I might be disappointed, but at least I've tried. I'm not so brave as to approach the problem like a spartan wielding his sword but I'd at least be a normal girl who tried her best.... with the help of modern technology. hahaha.

Life has just been such a roller coaster this year. Wonder where it will take me.

Alhamdulillah

p.s. I can't believe what a coward I've become. Just this one thing and I'm so afraid of hearing the same words again. 

Some words in Introduction

Bismillah

Just some words I read in an introduction by Yann Martel in his novel "Life of Pi". My sister picked up a very interesting book. I'm glued from just reading the intro.

"If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams."

Although I love this phrase, I do not feel that one has the right to judge another persons dream as worthless. This reminds me of the time I was in Leadership Camp when a boy said "My dream is to make my parents proud." and some arrogant people looked down on him and his dream. They started spouting their self-righteous indignation by telling him to have dreams about serving society and saving the world. I think making your parents proud is a great dream. So why judge?

Alhamdulillah

Some words in Introduction

Bismillah

Just some words I read in an introduction by Yann Martel in his novel "Life of Pi". My sister picked up a very interesting book. I'm glued from just reading the intro.

"If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams."

Although I love this, I do not feel that one has the right to judge another persons dream as worthless. This reminds me of the time I was in Leadership Camp when a boy said "My dream is to make my parents proud." and some arrogant people looked down on him and his dream spouting nonsense about serving society and saving the world. I think making your parents proud is a great dream. So why judge?

Alhamdulillah

My dream husband

Bismillah

When I look at him, this song comes to mind...

"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you, you feel like heaven to touch, oh I wana hold you so much. At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you."

Alhamdulillah

p.s. This is what happens when you and your friends keep mentioning "marriage". Posts regarding graduation and penang trip up next. (though I'm too lazy to update any time soon) 

Friend that I want and the one I want to be.

Bismillah

We all have our definition of what a friend should be. I'd like to have a friend who thinks of other people's feelings and who put others at ease. That's also the kind of friend I want to be.

Unfortunately, no one is perfect.

Alhamdulillah

Ai No Tegami

Bismillah

I send my love, my love across the sea,
By the post, Await, await dear my friend,
Love floats out of letters like a breeze you can't see,
I pray where love touches, let loneliness end.

- I'm itching to write letters to my friends. Plus my mum's got loads of free cards for me to use. Time to bring out the paper and pen.

Alhamdulillah

The little weird dreams

Bismillah

Lately I've been having a lot of weird dreams. Here's a list of them:

1. Cats being flung around.
2. Cheek melting off my face
3. Kids with supernatural power
4. my basil plants dying and only one survived

This is probably due to the fact that everyday I'm trying to figure out what story I should write. Normally I'd dream something up and just pick up the pen and write down whatever comes to mind. Halfway writing the descriptions are a sure way to make me lose interest in writing the whole story (that plus I usually end up not knowing how to continue or end the story).

I always feel like I'm not getting much sleep when I'm in sabah. Funny how that feeling doesn't occur daily in Semenanjung. haiz.

Alhamdulillah

Tea Warm Warm Tea

Bismillah

Having warm tea on a warm sunny day while listening to birds chirping and feeling the fan blowing my hair. Such bliss! It's such a nice day. Watching the cats sleepy face makes me feel sleepy as well....

So currently I'm just helping my dad fill out some tenders (got scolded for sending it to the wrong address).
Eggyolk CIMB told me they would call me back. Those chicken ass liars. I'll have to call them again next week. How do they live with all these lies? Plus they are not giving a very good impression to their clients.

Eunice suggests that I try out getting qualifications for company secretary (I'm contemplating it).
Ramadhan is nearing and I can't wait!

Alhamdulillah

p.s. My baby basils are finally 3 weeks old and they won't need too much care from now on.