Time & How much I miss writing

Bismillah,

Recently I keep having this itch to start writing. Yesterday I had an idea to write up a story about how much my staff hate the work environment in office to the point they even came up with a list! I kind of have a tiny bit of pity for the new boss who everyone is backbiting...
So with this itch for writing I started to go through my old blog posts. My old blog had 200 posts in a year! That's 'almost' 1 post a day.

I still do a little bit of writing now and then although MUCH MUCH less than before. Sometimes I get ideas in the middle of walking or driving. You can imagine my pain when I can't write down the words in those moments.

Here's a lil something I managed to quickly jot down during those moments:

Where is my blossoming wild flower,
Are you overwhelmed by the ruggedness of the wilderness,
Were you cut off by the city gardeners,
Did longing hands take you away,
Will I never see you for one more day?

- inspired by the wild purple flowers I use to see during my morning drive to work. I sometimes itch to just stop by the roadside to dig the plant out and bring them home. But of course I never did.

Another one:

A writer, writes for words to be read,
A singer, sings for voice to be heard,
I count the days, months, profit, loss and wonder,
If writer writes and singers sing, then must I continue to count?

- random ramblings that don't rhyme whatsoever.

I miss my best friend writing as well but yeah.... she didn't update anything for AGES! I must move on and accept this. hahaha

~Alhamdulillah

ps. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. - Anon

Darkness

Parts that grow free,
Darkness that bind,
The things i let be,
The things i mind.

Broken corners,
Pain that seeps,
Explored borders,
Demons that sleeps.

- dark recesses of my mind

Favoured child of night

Salam.

So yesterday i stayed up late at night because i got stuck reading manga called mahou tsukai no yome.

And this came from that:

Gentle is the child of night,
that wanders around the mind so bright,
a gentle touch and silent might, burns so brightly in the dark of night.

A shadow dark, wise and proud,
With childlike eyes filled with doubt,
A hand was given shrouded with lies,
Thirsty heart from where love sprout.

I love this manga. The author did a good job. So jelly.

- alhamdulillah

I held her. I was fine.

Lost and confused it all began,
I saw her pain, i held her hand,
Her guilt it weighed on forever,
My pain and hers mesh together.

The monster continues to haunt her dreams,
Her world has shattered and broke at all her seams,
She puts on her mask and became strong,
How many of them must monsters breakdown?

I just read the most heart breaking account of sexual assault. No one should have to go through what she did.

We are with you too dear lady.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/06/stanford-sexual-assault-case-victim-impact-statement-in-full

A baby birds flight

He stretches his wings,
In hopes of flight,
They told him he could,
They told him he might.

He looked up with hope,
Wings spread out with pride
They went silent and left,
He began to lose sight.

Blinking back against light
He learned so young
That alone you must fight

The baby took flight
Never losing sight
Believing that alone
Is how you must fight.

The trust he built
Broke in one night
But his faith in himself
Gave wind to wings to fly.

Like moss on stone

Bismillah.

Like moss on stone,
The green wet cold,
The birds that flock,
Into the sun-lit land.

If you refuse to move, problems will only accumulate like moss. To get away from trouble, you must first seek the solution.

Balloon problems

Bismillah

Atrocities of man, they said;
When twelve were wounded, and 20 were dead;
But in a land, a few miles away,
200 is just a number, casualties they said.

The foods' not good, take it away,
bring me a burger and steak any day,
But in a country, not so faraway,
A scrap of meal, gets them through the day.

When basics are met, greed comes silent,
Needs are satisfied, but wants grows undaunted,
But in a place, where basics are not met,
A helping hand is badly wanted.


- Sometimes we just got to keep on moving onwards.

Alhamdulillah

While I was waiting for dad

Bismillah

This morning while I was waiting for my dad I started humming in the car and soon words began to form and here's what I managed to write down:

Ai No Tegami

Bismillah

I send my love, my love across the sea,
By the post, Await, await dear my friend,
Love floats out of letters like a breeze you can't see,
I pray where love touches, let loneliness end.

- I'm itching to write letters to my friends. Plus my mum's got loads of free cards for me to use. Time to bring out the paper and pen.

Alhamdulillah

Man Ana?

Found this from a friend's blog. So beautiful.

MAN ANA

Ana in saaltal-qouma 'anni man ana

jika ditanya aku tentang siapakah aku,

I'm selfish, but I love you

Bismillah

I probably don't know quite what to say
or what I should do
but what I do know is that I love you
so please love me too.

I close my eyes,
I feel you close,
those hands I can't see
but your warmth seeps in me.

The words you left behind,
transcends all time,
with meanings so clear,
at times I can't control these tears.

I'm still so young,
my mind that wanders everywhere,
but your patience never wavering,
keep me close in your care.

You keep watch over all I do,
I'm not sure of my time in this place,
But I'm reassured that a time will come,
I'll return to your embrace.

Alhamdulillah

p.s. I'm a hypocrite and I feel awful when I lie to myself. It's just so hard to fight your self. The selfish side keeps winning these days. Lord help me.

Fishes, Haiku and Steps

Bismillah

        Today, I woke up, freshen myself up, did some laundry and headed to the bank. Was 45 minutes too early and I waited for the bank to open while eating some cheap-ass waffles. I shared my waffles with the fishes in a nearby pond and suddenly began writing some (probably bad) haikus on my old receipts. I'll share the haiku's at the end of this post.
        Once I entered the bank, the lady told me to head upstairs where I was to wait for my turn. After waiting for about another 10-15 minutes I was called only to find out i cannot close the joint account without the presence of my other 2 members and a resolution to close the account (since it's a club account).
        Although a little bummed it wasn't really a big deal, so I messaged my members to schedule our visit to the bank and head on back to my university. On the way back, the sun was being friendly to my back and i was sweating quite a bit. Thank God I didn't wear black shirt but my pants were black so my legs felt quite hot. Halfway back the clouds started to come by and I had a shady and windy walk back. Such a nice day.
        Once at the MMU bus stop I began counting my steps and head to STAD (Student affairs division) building. I counted up to approximately 350-400 steps. I wonder if I walked at least 5000 steps today. I heard on the radio we are suppose to walk at least 10 thousand. Yikes.
         I waited probably around 20-30 minutes for the club finance clerk, Brother Ray, and talked to him for awhile. I said my thanks and sorry for everything he has helped with and went back to the hostel. Feels kind of sad to leave my university. I'll be graduating in October and then here comes work life.
        At the hostel I saw this pathetic little she-cat. After her previous kittens died, she looked very sickly. She used to have such beautiful fur but now it constantly looks wet and i can practically see her bones showing. I ran to get a can of tuna and gave it to her. She's a very picky eater it seems. She reluctantly drank the milk i gave her and totally ignored the fried chicken someone offered her but she ravenously ate the tuna. Definitely a picky eater.

Your love came

Bismillah

Soon light fades,

And darkness begins to fall, 

And I knew naught where shadows end, 

or whence darkness came from. 

That which left was just a presence,

that lingered at lights last remains,

that which blossomed was hearts contentment, 

from where I have left, and Your love came. 

Alhamdulillah

Birds Fly Away

Bismillah

I tried to make up a song from a poem I wrote this morning. It has more of a lullaby tune (though I probably won't remember the melody after sleeping....).

First batch of poetry

Bismillah

-Emoing plus I miss home badly.

Don't take my hand,
Only to let go once again.
If I'm looking for you,
Don't come for me,
Only to walk by.

Don't tell me we are friends,
but leave when I call.
 
Don't give me hope,
only to leave me once more....