Emo

Bismillah

I woke up late. Head downstairs for breakfast and started the day with ironing and laundry. My mum came home and started scolding me for not putting the fish in the fridge (which she told me to do just 10 minutes ago) and for not throwing a pineapple juice box after scolding me the night before.

I was seriously hurt due to a few things.
1. She told me to put the fish in the fridge while i was ironing. I thought of doing it after I've ironed my dad's clothes and she scold me before I was done ironing. I was seriously going to do it but I didn't bother explaining to her coz she would say "Do it when I tell you to."
2. She scold me for not throwing the pineapple juice box when last night she was holding the box I assume she was going to throw it. Which she didn't and neither did she say "I'm scolding you so you need to throw this away."
3. She said "tak faham bahasa ka?" and said I was unreliable. After making a decision to work from home instead of following others who worked in KL and choosing to return home to help my parents hearing these words just took a toll on me.

I was just so frustrated and tears just flowed out. I cried (A LOT) and just went to sleep crying. Thoughts like "I wish I'm dead" or "I wish I can just leave this house" started to turn in my head. I kept saying istigfar to stop these dark thoughts. I just went to sleep to make them stop.

After 6 hours of sleep I woke up and cried again. I couldn't take it anymore so I picked up the Quran. MashaAllah just 2 pages and I felt better. The first verse made me cry.

"And whatever thing you [people] have been given - it is [only for] the enjoyment of worldly life and its adornment. And what is with Allah is better and more lasting; so will you not use reason?" - surah al-Qasas 28:60

Somehow the experience made me feel that I was just too detached from the Quran lately. This Ramadhan i hope to get closer to the Quran. :)  InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah